#948
(Mickey wakes up and...
Date: 11/04/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Mickey: Get off me, you...thing.
Buffalo's Mom: Shutup. You know you like it.
Mickey: No. Can't say I do. In your own son's bed, even.
Buffalo's Mom: Him? He's always slept like a big baby. And look who's talking...what are you doing in a full grown boy's bed?
Mickey: I need my beauty sleep, thank you very much. Do you see another bed in this room? A couch? A futon, maybe? Wait...where's Lita? (Mickey looks around the room) You didn't cook her and eat her, did you?
Buffalo's Mom: No, I didn't have the chance. Now shutup, you're killing the mood.
Mickey (Gets up; which is unfortunate for Buffalo's Mom, who was trying to get on top of him*; she falls to the floor): I have to find her.
Buffalo's Mom: You really like her, don't you?
Mickey: I did, but not in that way. But she's been really mean to me the last few days.
Buffalo's Mom: Well, if you're looking for Mrs. Right...
Mickey: No offense...but you're Mrs. Wrong...Mrs. Very, Very, Wrong.
(Before Mickey leaves, he takes Buffalo's guitar, and smashes it over Buffalo's head)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
*-If that was too graphic fot you, blame Lita.
#949
<gramps, with his walker, magically...
Date: 11/04/2001
From: grandmapa
MELONS!!!!!!
appears in the back seat, next to the making out Lita and EM>
gramps: Well, hey there kids! Dear ol' gramps has been busy lately... ewww! Now you two whipper-snappers stop that now! <starts hitting them repeatedly with his walker> In my day, we kept our hormones under control!
Lita: Phoof! Phop phat! Phut, Phi phant phop phovin' Phike! Phive phit phou phe Phike! Pho phea!
EM: Phaniphing phou phish, phy phig phunny phun phof phov! <Rimmer is staring quite bitterly and intensly at this act of insane passion>
Rimmer: Grrr! I can't take it any longer! Get away from MY man, woman!
Lita: Phing phit phon, phister! <Lita begins swatting blindly at Rimmer, but she is still mostly concentrating on Mike; Rimmer sees this as a sign of aggression, and jumps on top of Lita, knocking gramps to the floor; a catfight like in Manos abruptly breaks out, with Lita still making out with Mike while simultaneously wrestling with Rimmer, however that is done. Whew!>
gramps: Oof! That hurt, disrespectful little whelp... Oh no! Who's driving Spidey!?!? Tork, do something!
Tork: Ummm, gramps. We're in park at the dude ranch.
gramps: Oh... Why are we at a dude ranch?
Tork: Had you read the other replies, you would've known.
gramps: Ok! Oh, look! Here comes someone! Let's go meet him! <a stubby, glasses wearing bald man is standing outside of Spidey>
Mr. Ernst: Well hello there, and welcome to the Bar None Ranch! I'm Mr. Ernst, the owner!
gramps: Hi, I'm grandmapa! Call me gramps!
Tork: I'm Tork_110! Call me Tork! <the three fighting tyrants roll out of Spidey and in front of Mr. Ernst>
Rimmer: He's MY lover, Bitch!
Lita: He's MY lover, Ass!
EM: I'm getting hoarse from all of this! Stop it!
Mr. Ernst: Sorry, no asses or bitches here! But, there are horses! And pigs! Lots of them! And I have this creepy Indian guy as a counselor! Come on out and meet gramps, Tork, Bitch, Ass, and Horse, Vadinho! <Pumaman's homicidal sidekick steps out of a cabin>
Vadinho: You follow me to gain powers of ancestors! You have power! Believe me! <picks up gramps and throws him into cactus> Old Man, fly away from cactus! Try!
gramps: OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Tork: This will be *so* much fun, won't it...
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Second-Place Wacky Race Winner!
5:05 P.M. CST!
#950
Oh dear.
Date: 11/04/2001
From: Carmelita9000
Don't be so impatient!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gramps must be having a major flash of senility. None of that stuff he just wrote made any sense. It had nothing to do with anything that's been going on.
1. We aren't in Spidey. Spidey is at home. We're in Rimmi's car.
2. Rimmer and I seem to have worked out our Evil Mike problems. He is my henchman/love slave, so... She doesn't bug me when I'm with him, and when I'm not with him what I don't know doesn't kill me.
3. We weren't going to *that* dude ranch. Why would Mr. Ernst even be there? Unless Aunt Scapula hired Mr. Ernst. Are we going to have to put up with Ted? What about that rich chick who's afraid of water? I can't deal with that!
Gramps, I don't know if you're aware of this, but you've been passed out in MSTBlanca for at least a week now. Maybe this is part of the cause of your hallucinations?
<Lita force-feeds gramps a huge glass of Metamucil, and kicks him out of the back seat.>
Go catch up on the plot, old man! We whippersnappers don't need any elderly people spitting up on our love lives! Blah!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is giving grandmapa Buffalo's Mom's phone number.
She seems to be in need of company.
And so does he.
#951
<gramps wakes up at MSTBlanca>
Date: 11/04/2001
From: grandmapa
Huh?! It was only a dream... <falls back asleep>
<the story continues, with gramps safely asleep at the bar, and with Lita, Tork, Rimmer, and EM in Rimmer's car, going to the dude ranch>
(I am really sorry about my reply. I messed everything up, all because I was too busy to keep up with the replies and read them very thoroughly. I guess I just replied to be replying, so people wouldn't think I'd fallen off the face of the reply record, or the B'Board, as a matter of fact. Oh well :o) )
grandmapa!
#952
I was gonna set gramps right too.
Date: 11/04/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
We are already exacting our revenge on PM for making us participate in a "chick fight" and now gramps makes the same error? That's just not right!
And how dare he not read the replies and pay attention to where we are..... We're on our way to a dude ranch right?
#953
(Mickey has nothing to
Date: 11/04/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
do with this argument. He's just glad someone else is getting corrected on their continuity errors)
Mickey: Where am I going?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Hopelessly lost
#954
Wow, grampie!
Date: 11/04/2001
From: Carmelita9000
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You have some freaky-ass dreams. It must be a result of missing your medication for so long while you were in that Tork-induced coma over at MSTBlanca.
Tork: I didn't mean to hit him so hard...
Lita: And Rimmer, yes. We're going to that dude ranch from The Thing That Wouldn't Die.
Rimmer: Yes. I knew that, I was just... Oh never mind.
Lita: I'm glad you know because it was your idea, and you're the one who's driving.
EM: with any luck at all we can make it a "lewd ranch." Heh heh heh.
Tork: Oh, quit stealing riffs, you big slut.
EM: You're just mad because Lita likes me.
Tork: Go soak your head.
Lita, Rimmer, and EM: What?
Tork: I heard it on Dennis the Menace! I thought it sounded cool!
Rimmer: Hey, Lita. Do you have any idea where Mickey is?
Lita: Well, when I last saw him, he was sleeping with Buffalo.
(What? It's not like she's lying… technically.)
Rimmer: Oh. Don't ever bring that up again.
Lita: I won't. Believe me, it wasn't much fun at Buffalo's parents' house. I'm thinking the sooner I've gotten those memories good and repressed, the healthier I'll be.
Rimmer: Good luck with that.
Tork: Are we there yet?
Rimmer: Nearly.
Tork: I gotta go…
Rimmer: *exasperated* Tork! I thought I told you to take care of that before we got in the car!
Tork: I didn't have to go then.
Rimmer: There should be a rest stop in a couple miles.
Tork: <starting to whine> I can't wait that long!
Rimmer: Fine.
<They pull over.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#955
(Tork's doing his buisness, when...)
Date: 11/04/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
Voice: WHAT THE #!@$???!!!!!!????!!!!!!
Tork (rapidly zips up his pants, which is never a good idea to do rapidly): NAB...OWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Mickey: Look what you did to my shoes...I just bought these!
Tork: Owwwwwwwie, owwwwwieee, owwwwiieeeee, owwwiiieeeeee! Nabut, I'm sorry. Look, I'll buy you some new...owwwwwwwwww!
Mickey: What did you call me?
Tork: Nabut. Rimmer calls you NoButt, not me. I've nevr called you...(Mickey grabs Tork by the collar)
Mickey: I'm Mickey. PM put some hologram thingie on me.
Tork: Mickey?! What are you doing here?
Mickey: Well, I've been wandering around in the woods for a few hours, and as it turns out, they're conveniently next to this highway. (How about those coincidences?)
Rimmer (shouting from the car): Tork! It doesn't take this long to pee! What's going on?
Tork: Hey, guess who I found?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Hope you don't mind the smell of my shoes.
#956
Rimmer: What? Who?
Date: 11/05/2001
From: Carmelita9000
........................................................
<Tork and Mickey approach the car.>
Rimmer: Nobutt? Where did you find him?
Lita: It's not Nabut. It's Mickey.
Tork: He was just hanging around over there. But guess what?!
Lita: It's Mickey. He's just disguised as Nabut.
Rimmer: What?
Lita: He's Mickey.
Tork: It's not actually Nabut! It's Mickey!
Lita: I totally just said that…
Rimmer: Really?! That's Mickey?
Lita: All right. You guys? I already explained the Mickey thing to you, like, a few posts ago.
Rimmer: You did?
Lita: Never mind.
EM: I remember it.
Lita: Thanks.
Mickey: Sorry about the trouble. But PM strapped this holographic thingiemagig to me, and I can't figure out how to turn it off. It might help if I could see it, but the hologram covers it up.
Lita: Hmph.
Mickey: Shouldn't she be tied up or something? You know, in case she tries to kill us all?
Rimmer: She's better now.
Mickey: Are you sure?
Rimmer: Yes.
EM: Can we tie her up anyway? That might be fun.
Lita: NO!
Mickey: Hey, Lita! How are you doing?
Lita: Shut up. I'm not speaking with you. I'm mad at you.
Mickey: Why?
Lita: You were really mean and insensitive and stuff the last couple days. Hmph!!!
Mickey: Well… you were mean too!
Lita: I couldn't help it!
Rimmer: All right. Quit fighting. Everybody back in the car. Mickey, you can sit in the back with Evil Mike and Lita--
Lita: Mickey's not sitting by me.
Rimmer: For Pete's sake, Lita.
Lita: No. He's not. <She crosses her arms.> He hurt my feelings. *pout*
Rimmer: Fine. Evil Mike, you sit in the middle, all right?
Tork: Ha! You have to sit on the bump in the middle!
EM: Yep! <Evil Mike looks at Mickey and smiles evilly.> It's punching time!
Mickey: *gulp*
<Everybody gets back in the car. Rimmer makes Mickey get rid of his yucky shoes before getting in. They get back on their way to the ranch.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
And all that other stuff.
Aren't you glad I took the time
to discuss all the seating arrangements???
Now we know where everybody is sitting!
Oh, for fun!
#957
owwwwwwwwwwww...
Date: 11/05/2001
From: Tork_110
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
That hurts just reading the reply! I say that we all agree that we leave the issue of nudeness up to the individual poster.
You want coincidences? Last night I was programming in Unix, only to come here to find that I had become a eunuch.
And what's wrong with my urine, Lita? I once saw a nature documentary that showed how moose attract mates using that method. If EM did that, you would probably have reacted differently. ( he'd probably do it too, the big slut! )
I would continue the story but I have to recover from my injury.
And for the record, it was one of the Other ghosts that knocked out grandmapa; I just set him up. ( Althought Grandmapa's dream was pretty amusing. )
#958
Did Tork just call me a moose? n/t
Date: 11/05/2001
From: Carmelita9000
........................................................
How very rude! I'm insulted!
Hmph!
:P
Lita
#959
[Grandmapa] What th--?!?
Date: 11/05/2001
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Stealth Mode>>>
[Grandmapa sits up, fully rested from his harrowing and exhausting experiences of being passed out for a few weeks and then dreaming that he was awake. He looks over to see PM and Nabut doing some research on a big holographic computer thingie. Nabut looks at PM (wearing his hat) and starts to spit at him. Before he does, however, a hologram appears before Nabut's face that shows a pharaoh-hat, an equals sign, and a happy face. Instead of spitting, Nabut smiles warmly and swallows his spit. PM gives Nabut a Scooby Snack® and pats Nabut on the head.]
[PM] Okay, we've eliminated all of the non-corporeal possessing entities that we have on file.
[Nabut] Right, no "pea soup" manifestations.
[PM] Right. So given that, the demon *must* be one of the established physical species demons. All of those, however, leave some sort of physical "token" on their host: a third eye, a mark or scar of some sort, an extra nipple...
[Nabut] Damn! We should have counted her nipples while we still had her here!
[PM] No, we shouldn't have. Tempting as that might be, it'd only make her madder at us.
[Grandmapa] What're you whipper-snappers doin'?
[Nabut] We're trying to figure out what kind of demon it was that possessed Lita.
[Grandmapa] But she ain't possessdicated no more! Cain't you'ns read?!?
[PM] Yes, we saw that Lita's back to her cheerful self, and frankly I'm glad she is.
[Grandmapa] Hold it right there, bucko. I thought you'ns were feudin' and all?
[Nabut] Yeah! I mean, she and her friends have been doing this whole revenge thing for a long time now, and they kidnapped me, and tortured me and stuff, and now I can't say "My Li-- err, My Peach Pit!". And stuff.
[PM] Yeah, well that doesn't mean I have to hate her, now does it?
[Nabut] But you didn't want to help her before! Why are you trying to now?
[PM] Like I said, just because they're trying to publicly humiliate me doesn't mean they're not my friends! Besides, technically I'm still not trying to help her by doing this. I just want to know what kind of demon was capable of launching Lita into a homicidal rage, so we can develop a proper defense against it.
[Nabut] Well, I guess that makes sense.
[Grandmapa] No it doesn't! I can't even begin to poin out the dearth of logical inconsistencies in that statement, especially because when I try I stop sounding like a grizzled old coot! Besides, shouldn' ye be lookin' up them deemin-thingies by what they look like?
[PM] It's so crazy that it just might work! Okay, cut and paste the description from Lita's post, feed it into the computer, and... [a picture of a really furry pig with wings, a long tail with a point at the end, a cape, and holding a pitchfork appears on the hologram projection field. A reading begins tallying numbers next to the picture.] Nothing! This type of demon just doesn't exist according to every occult book we've encoded! I don't understand it!
[Grandmapa] Hey! It's my magical pig!!!
[PM and Nabut] Huh-WHAT?!?
[Grandmapa] The magical piggie I dreamed about! He ran around kickin' doggies and scarin' babies! He was bad, REAL bad!!! EEEEVIL, I tells ya! And then he poked Lita in the fanny with his pitchy-fork, and she got all cranky! At least, that's what happened in my dream...
[PM looks at Nabut.] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
[Nabut] That Grandmapa, in a coma-like stupor induced by excessive alcohol intake and a blow to the head, somehow managed to use his magical walker *in his sleep* to manifest a pseudo-demon, which subsequently seized control of Carmelita9000?
[PM] In a nutshell, yes.
[Grandmapa] You mean little ol' me did all that? Well, whatcha know? Who's da man?
[PM] I don't think you want Lita to find out that you had anything to do with this. She's in a better mood now, but there's no telling how she might take it.
[Grandmapa, suddenly scared.] What'll I do?!?!?
[PM, smiling.] Have a drink... and relax for awhile.
[PM starts to laugh maniacally, but is interrupted by Nabut spitting on his hat. He pulls out a rolled-up newspaper and starts bopping Nabut on the head, saying "Bad henchman! Bad henchman! No spit!".]
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Sarcophagus!
#960
Driving scenes are great, aren't they?
Date: 11/05/2001
From: Carmelita9000
Well, aren't they??????????????????????????????
Lita: Hey Tork? I agree with you about the nudity issue. But don't worry about it, I didn't see anything. See, Evil Mike was doing this thing where he-- That's not making you feel better, is it? Never mind. Oh, wait, one more thing. I'm not sure why I was supposed to find your peeing on Mickey's shoes attractive (maybe because I'm mad at him?). But rest assured, if Evil Mike ever peed on my shoes, I wouldn't reward him with snuggles and kisses.
<Lita goes back to what she was doing before, which chiefly involves lavishing Evil Mike with snuggles and kisses. Tork glowers determindly at the dashboard compass. Evil Mike goes back to what he was doing before, which chiefly involves bothering Mickey.>
Mickey: Lita? Do you think you could (ow!) tell your lackey to quit (ow!) poking me? No? Aw, come on!
EM: This is for hurting Lita's feelings! *punch*
Mickey: Ow! Have you been practicing, Evil Mike? Your form is improving. Hey, quit pinching my nose… Ouch!
Lita: Serves you right. Making these nice people tie me up to you while I was unconscious just so you could play out some twisted fantasy!
Mickey: That was Evil Mike's idea!
Lita: Hey, you might think it's a good idea to try to frame Evil Mike for your crimes just because he's evil and it's just the kind of thing he would do, but I'm not going to fall for that so easily!
Mickey: But--
EM: Yeah! Quit trying to put the blame on innocent people for your actions! *punch*
Lita: And teaching Buffalo to ruin that perfectly good U2 song for me. That was just cruel! Evil Mike, punch him again!
Mickey: OUCH!! Hey Lita, are you sure you recovered from whatever was making you all mean?
Lita: Yes!
EM: This is pretty much how I remember her.
Lita: Evil Mike? I'm really sorry about the other day when I rejected your advances and hurt your fragile male ego. Is there any way I can make it up to you?
EM: I'll say there is! Hey, Rimmer, can't you get this car to Aunt Spatula's ranch any faster?
Lita: Oh, Mike!
<Everybody shares a hearty sitcomesque laugh. Well, everybody except Tork, who didn't find it at all funny. Mickey didn't laugh either. He was too busy calculating how many more times he can get punched before one or more of his internal organs rupture and he dies a sudden horrible and tragic death. And won't they be sorry then? They sure will. They won't have Mickey to kick around anymore. Probably they'll all cry. They'll be like, "Oh, poor Mickey! Why didn't we appreciate you when you were alive! You made the best nachos! Way better than Lita's nachos! And you were so handsome and daring too! We loved you! And your great singing voice! Why did we let Evil Mike punch you so much? We hate Evil Mike! We're going to punch Evil Mike a bunch of times just for you! We just wish you would come back to us!!!111!!11!!!" Yeah. That's what would happen. And it would serve them right too. Just wait and see, when Mickey dies it'll be just like-->
Rimmer: Mickey!!! Will you turn down the internal monologue? I'm trying to drive here!
Mickey: Yes'm. Sorry.
Evil Mike: This is for distracting the driver! *punch*
Lita
is not a moose.
Rimmer doppled her into a filthy plague-ridden anteater for a few minutes once,
but I don't believe she's ever been a moose.
#961
Mickey: I've taken all I can take!!!
Date: 11/05/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
Rimmer, pull over...
Rimmer: What's the magic word?
Mickey: Please.
(The car comes to a stop. Mickey gets out and walks over to the other side of the car. Of course, it's not really a good idea to walk across a busy public street in your bare feet,)
Mickey: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ooh glass, ow, ow, big #$@! rock, ow...
(And it just so happens to be very hot)
Mickey: Hot foot, hot foot, hot foot!!!
(Oh, and another car was passing by and ran over his foot)
Mickey: OWWWWW!!!! Why you *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* *beeeeeeeeeeeep* and you can *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
Rimmer (in th car): Wow, I didn't know he knew those words.
(Mickey opens Lita's door)
Mickey: I don't know what your problem is, but I'm getting sick of this.
Lita: You've been really mean to me the last week or so.
Mickey: So. You started it.
Tork: He's got you there, Lita.
Lita: And that's supposed to mean something to me?
Mickey: Well, yeah.
Rimmer: Will you two just drop it? I'd like to get to the dude ranch.
Evil Mike: Me too.
Mickey: C'mon Lita, we had some good timees together. Like, um...
Lita: I know, remember when me and Rimmer kicked your ass? That was fun!
Mickey: Well, that wasn't quite what I was thinking of.
Evil Mike: It's good enough for me. Get back in the car.
Mickey: Fine. We'll settle this later.
Lita: No we won't.
(Mickey closes the door and walks back to his side. It's unfortunate that they stopped by a factory that makes thumb tacks and they're truck just had a major spill, a poisonous spider is walking accross the road...well, for my sake, let's just fast forward past this part. Mickey gets back in the car)
Mickey: You got a first aid kit?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
What? You thought I'd actualy write a post where I'd die?
#962
It didn't work
Date: 11/05/2001
From: Tork_110
....................................................................
Mickey: What didn't work?
Tork: I was trying to repulse Lita from EM by coming up wth the weirdest and most disturbing image I could think of, and she's still kissing him! Argh!
< Tork looks as Lita still gives all her attention to EM. >
Tork: I know! I'll just make her jealous. Rimmer, why don't we...
Rimmer: Touch me and you die.
Tork: ( weakly ) Yes, Rimmer.
I played a lot of video games in my life. Isn't anybody impressed that I've actually seen a nature documentary?
The weirdest part is that I actually feel bad. The "poining" incident made me laugh for a week but this recent incident actually makes me feel guilty.
#963
FINALLY!!!
Date: 11/05/2001
From: Carmelita9000
What are you looking at? The rest of the post is down there.
<Rimmer pulls up at the dude ranch.>
Rimmer: Well, that sure took a lot longer than I expected.
Lita: That's what happens when you keep having to pull over.
<Lita sends pointed glances toward Tork and Mickey.>
Tork: Oh right. And who made us pull over so that she could yank Evil Mike out of the car and make out with him in public in a completely classless fashion?
Mickey: Rimmer?
Tork: No.
Lita: She had to stop for me so I could get in the car. Your excuses for stopping were stupid.
Rimmer: I've had it. If anybody wants me, I'm going to be in the front lodge.
<Rimmer gets out.>
Mickey: Hey, I'm coming too. I don't like being abused, LITA!!!
Lita: Evil Mike's the one that's punching you. I'm just not talking to you. <starting to get a little shrill> Wanna know why? Because you're *still* being mean to me!!! <Lita looks like she's about to cry, but she holds it back.>
Mickey: Oh, Blah!
Lita: <Really upset now> What??? How could you say such a thing?!?! Hey, you apologize right now!!! I'm hurt!!!
Mickey: Rimmer! Wait up!
<Mickey gets out and follows Rimmer, doing his best not to step on anything sharp or smelly on the way in his bare feet.>
Lita: I can't believe he Blahed me. He's so mean!!
EM: Yep. He sure is. Let's get get out of the car. The windows are rolled up, and Ass turned the air conditioning off.
<Lita sulks for a moment, then she looks out the window and sees…>
Lita: HORSES!!!!
Tork: Yeah. It's a dude ranch. There are horses.
Lita: AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
EM: Well, our stay here should be entertaining. Let's go find a private cabin, Lita.
Lita: I can't go out there! There are horses!
Tork: Lita. You drive a giant spider. Yet you're afraid of horses? That makes no sense to me.
Lita: Look at it this way. Have you ever heard of a person being seriously injured when they were kicked by an angry or frightened spider?
Tork: No.
Lita: Have you ever heard of anybody being trampled to death by spiders?
Tork: No. Hey, I'm starting to see your point.
<Lita and Tork look warily out of the window at the horses as they graze quietly and pay them no mind.>
Lita: I'm staying right here.
EM: But Lita… come on… I was kind of hoping we could… you know…
Lita: Those horses want me dead. I know it. I'm not getting out of the car.
Tork: Me neither. Now that you mention it, those horses do have kind of a crazy look about them.
<Evil Mike, never a man of great patience, opens the door, pulls Lita out, and carries her off to the nearest cabin. She's too scared to fight because EM might drop her and then she'd be alone with the horses. Yikes! So she closes her eyes and lets him carry her away. Tork is left alone in the car.>
Tork: Ok. So, Evil Mike, you're going to come back and carry me to a cabin next, right? RIGHT?!?! SOMEBODY?!?! <Nobody answers, but a couple of horses look up and stare at him lazily. Tork locks all the doors.> Boy, it's going to be a long night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Meanwhile, out on the highway, Buffalo is wandering around in a panic. He's clutching the letter Lita wrote him, he's torn his shirt, and he's really a mess, and he knows *somebody* broke his guitar over his head, but he's not sure if it's his dear Cupcake II or that jerk, Nabmickey.>
Buffalo: CUPCAAAAAAKE II!!!! CUPCAAAAAAKE II!!!1!!11!!
<Presently, a big rig pulls up by him, and Sam looks out the window.>
Sam: Hey, Buffalo Bill! What are you doing out here!
Buffalo: Hey, Lazy Rider. Ah wus just out lookin' for mah girl, Cupcake II. She lehft me this hayre note this mornin', but Ah couldn't read it.
Sam: Let me see that, Buffalo. <He takes the note and looks it over.> Sorry, man. She's left you. Look right here, she Just Friended you.
Buffalo: Oh no! But Ah know she loves me, deep down. She even meht mah mama. She'll come bahk. Ah wooed her with mah singin' voice.
Sim: Well. Women, you know? What can I say? Why don't you come back to MSTBlanca with me? We've been worried about you.
Buffalo: Raylly? Even PM?
Sam: Well… I've been worried about you.
<Buffalo climbs into the truck>
Buffalo: So what happened awhale Ah was gone?
Sam: Nothin' much, some crazy bitch bit me on the arm a bunch of times.
Buffalo: Is that why the bandages?
Sam: Yep. She even burned the place down on the way out.
<Buffalo stares wistfully out the window as they drive away.>
Buffalo: *quietly* Remahnds me uh Cupcake II…
#964
gramps: Thissssssh issss great! *hic*
Date: 11/05/2001
From: grandmapa
Moose Flower Apple Punch Wither Frosted Flakes
gramps: And it'sssssh awl on the housssssh! I nud to make more majjjishal piggures in my shhhhhleeep!
PM: Just hush and drink up, gramps! Now be a nice old person while these nice customers come in, and you make sure NOT TO TALK TO THE NICE CUSTOMERS!!!
gramps: Whassssschusaythar, whisssssssfer-fphraffor?! Talk to tha nissssssh cusssssshtomers?! Okey *hic* donkeyey! <PM and Nabut are frantically waving at gramps> <Bill and Sam walk into the bar>
Sam: Hey to you too, PM...
gramps: Hay cusssssshtomerers! Guessh what I did? I made a massssshhhical piggy in my shhhhhleep, then it pokeded La-Lu-Liter *hic* in the asssh, then... <gramps falls asleep at his usual random time>
*ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.... vuvuvuvuvuvuvu... ZZZZZZZZZzzzzz...*
PM: Ummm... ignore him! Yeah, he's just one of those new Motion-Activated Talking and Singing Old Folks! People just couldn't get enough of that Billy Bass, you know, heh-heh...
Sam: O-kay! Anyway, look who I found!
PM: Oh, you found Buffalo. Whoopee. What's he crying about this time? I reckon he's constipated... <PM reaches toward the suppositories> Nabut, get him down on the ground...
Buffalo: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT'S MUH CUPCAKE II!!!! SHE LUVS MUH, I KNOWED ERT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! <runs toward bathroom, but misses the swing door and runs into the wall> Oof!
Nabut: Who in Sam Hill is Cupcake II?
Sam Hill: You called, master? Tee-hee! Boop!
PM: Robots, get that creepy guy out of here! <in a flurry of pink feathers and Spandex, the robots throw him out of the bar>
Nabut: Ummm... oooooooookay. Now *Sam*, tell me about this Cupcake II.
Sam: Well, it seems that a lady he calls Cupcake II broke his heart, even after he sang to her and she met his mama. She wrote him a note explaining how she "just wanted to be friends". <gives PM and Nabut the letter>
PM: Ohmygod, I know this handwriting! It's Lita's!!!
Nabut: How do you know that? She hasn't even implied writing in this whole saga!
PM: But, she does have to pay her bar tab, which she pays by credit card, which she has to sign for, which is how I remember her handwriting!
Nabut: That AND that she got mixed up when signing the letter and mistakingly signed as "Lita, President of the I Hate Riddler Club, Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar...
PM: Stupid Lita and her enviously long list of titles... Oh yes. What are we going to do about this, after all, she broke my little darling Buffalo-Wuffalo's heart?
Nabut: Are YOU trying to cause a senseless rage of revenge against Lita AGAIN, for NO REASON?
PM: Well, she did it first! <all conscious patrons share a hearty sitcom laugh>
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
7:18 P.M. CST!
#965
Because Reply 965 is so important to me
Date: 11/05/2001
From: Carmelita9000
I'll make this reply before anybody else can…………
<Lita and Evil Mike are in their cabin (or, for you purists out there (Mickey), the cabin that has been designated to them, or the cabin that Evil Mike decided he wanted and nobody felt like fighting him for it. It's also the same cabin Evil Mike carried Lita to in the last reply. That settled? Good.). They are kissing, but Lita hasn't taken any clothes off yet, and Evil Mike is not yet totally nude, so it's not really all that embarrassing when Mickey bursts through the door and interrupts them.>
Mickey: Lita! I need to talk to you!
Lita: Mickey! Go away! I don't want to talk.
Mickey: Too bad! I'm not leaving until we sort some things out!
Lita: Like what?
Mickey: Like you being such a b-
Lita: You better not say what I think you're going to say.
EM: Should I punch him for you?
Lita: No. I'll punch him myself.
Mickey: Oh, yeah. Resort to violence. Big surprise! That's just like you! What's wrong? Too dumb to talk things out?
Lita: *quietly* Why don't you come over here and say that again?
EM: I'll leave you two alone.
<Evil Mike steps outside and closes the door behind him. He leans on the porch railing and waits. After a couple of minutes, Rimmer walks up and joins him.>
Rimmer: Hi.
EM: Hi.
Rimmer: Nice undies.
EM: Thanks.
Rimmer: I wanted to get everybody together. We need to plan our next attack on PM before he starts his next attack on us. He'll pay for what he did to Lita.
EM: Yeah… What did he do to Lita again?
Rimmer: He made her all psycho and sent her out to kill us!
EM: Oh. Right.
Rimmer: So where is she?
EM: Who?
Rimmer: Lita!
EM: Oh. She's inside yelling at Mickey. They're both really mad. I wonder if she's hit him yet.
Rimmer: Should we stop them?
EM: Nah.
<Rimmer and Evil Mike wait on the porch. Rimmer starts whistling. Evil Mike drums his fingers on the railing.>
Rimmer: Have you seen Tork lately?
EM: Nope.
<More time passes.>
EM: So. Wanna make out?
<Rimmer moves in to give Evil Mike a kiss, but is distracted by a big crash from inside the cabin. (Ooh! Tough luck Rims!)>
Rimmer: Oh no! They're killing each other!
EM: So?
Rimmer: We have to stop them!
EM: Why?
<Rimmer doesn't listen. She opens the door. But she does not see any killing going on at all. Mickey and Lita are both weeping openly, and standing at either end of the couch.>
Lita: I'm so sorry, Mickey!!!
Mickey: I'm sorry too, Lita!!! I was so wrong!!!
Lita: No!!! I'm the one who was wrong!!! I was such a bitch!!!
Mickey: No!!! I'm the bitch!!! Er… I mean, I'm the bad person!!!
Lita: No!!! I'm a bad person!!!
Mickey: We're both horrible people!!!
Lita: Let's never fight again!!!
Mickey: Ok!!!
<Both crying like babies, Mickey and Lita give each other a tearful hug.>
Rimmer: That's so touching I think I'm going to vomit.
EM: I'm with you there.
Rimmer: But what caused the crash?
Lita: *sniff* Mickey jumped up to make an important poin about friendship, and he knocked the lamp off the table.
EM: Dang. And I was hoping you were killing each other. *pause* HEY!!
<Evil Mike runs past Rimmer, into the cabin. He pulls Mickey and Lita apart, and glares at Mickey.>
EM: Don't DO that! She's with me! Got it? You don't get to put the moves on Lita! Only I get to put the moves on Lita!
Mickey: I wasn't putting the moves on her! It was just a hug!
EM: Yeah, right, Don Juan. Take a hike.
<Evil Mike pushes Mickey out of the cabin, then closes the door and locks it. Mickey is left alone with Rimmer on the porch. Rimmer is looking at Mickey with a bemused smile on her face.>
Mickey: It was just a hug! It didn't mean anything! Friends hug, all right?
Rimmer: You're the bitch?
Lita
I'm the bitch!
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
thinks it's kind of cute that Evil Mike got so jealous
#966
Because reply 967 means nothing to me...
Date: 11/06/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
I'll waste it!!!!
Tonight is the Buffy musical. Wouldn't it be super duper funny if we had a musical. I can see it now...
<Music swells as we fade in on Rimmer- then everything fades out just as quickly>
Oops, I need to get new glasses. I can't see a damn thing!
#967
WASTE!!! BLAH!!!! nt
Date: 11/06/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
nt
#968
Didn't Xena do the same thing?
Date: 11/06/2001
From: Tork_110
...back when the show didn't take itself so seriously. After they went to India I got bored with it.
My poin? None, it's just cold in this car.
Actually, now that I think of it, the Xena musical was around the time that the show started to take itself too seriously.
#969
Rimmer!!! Spamming your own post?!
Date: 11/06/2001
From: Carmelita9000
You should be ashamed!!!
Lita
#970
Can I try? n/t
Date: 11/06/2001
From: Carmelita9000
I can waste replies too! nt
Lita
#971
Quit wasting replies!! n/t
Date: 11/07/2001
From: Schmoecahontas
We can't fake the no text anymore!
HMMPH!! I'm outraged!! This bboard is Fredo to me!!
fw!!
socks
#972
Yeah, what he said!!! N/T
Date: 11/07/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
N/T N/T N/T N/T N/T N/T N/T
I can be such a bitch sometimes...
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
N/T
#973
Jessica: What are you all doing?
Date: 11/07/2001
From: Tork_110
Jessica: Stop wasting posts! These are evil posts! You're all horrible!!! I, I hope a tree falls on one of you!!1!!!
To be continued...?
Jessica: Oh, and stop peeping at me, Mickey!
#974
I'll bet you *can* fake a no text! (n/t)
Date: 11/07/2001
From: PharaohMobius
.
See! I told you! =P
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
Next up: Mickey's soup addiction gets out of hand
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